Has it happened to you after being with a certain person for a while that you realize that you are let down, your individuality has been taken away and you feel lack of energy? If it has happened to you, you’ve hit a vampire or emotional vampire.
Deception is often used to stay with a person in this category, while allowing him to gradually be nourished by your emotions, and energy needs. Once you have fully drained, he will leave you looking for a fresh kill.
The emotional vampire realizes your need, it seems that they had a sixth sense for finding vulnerabilities. When there are gaps or deficiencies, the person projects these needs and the vampire catches it too well and manages to get in your space, as friend, lover, or whatever, as long as you finish entirely upon him or her.
Do you know harmful people?
The vampires can be categorized into several types. Examples:
Narcissistic: They think they’re the center of the universe, everything revolves around them, he/she hopes that others will admire, and they feel superior and do not accept failure or criticism.
Histrionics: Seeks attention, very theatrical in their expressions, may exaggerate physical problems to get attention, emotions are exaggerated, glamorous and seductive. In exaggerating physical problems is absorbs our needs to be friendly and helpful.
Pessimism: Sees everything darkly, seeks pity, if you are an optimist person he will from that positive emotion to be well himself, damaging you.
Oppositional: Resembling / to the pessimistic but is characterized by always going to be opposite, if you have a dream, a goal, if you express your opinion, he will always be opposite.
Falsehood (wolf / a dress / a lamb): People who is liked by everyone, with a friendly face, but you´re skinned behind your back, you´re manipulated by lies, they’re liars but always with a good face.
You need to differentiate these harmful people from the antisocial.
Antisocial: Harmful or damaging, goes against the norms of society, but does not bother to use emotional blackmail, directly hurts. The previous type of people care what other people think because they want to look good, but the antisocial does not care what people think and so when you see him coming, you better start walking so you don’t get affected emotionally and physically.
Histrionics, Narcissists, pessimists, negativists and fake people have a common technique which is emotional blackmail (probably all people at some point have used emotional blackmail, for example when using the expression: if you loved me you would not do this) but these people’s emotional blackmail is their usual way of behaving.
It is a form of manipulation so that other people do what they want, emotional blackmail uses emotions, negative feelings you have (eg. guilt) or needs (eg. need to feel valued) Thus by manipulating the feelings and negative emotions of some people and their needs people achieve their harmful purposes.
How to deal with emotional blackmail:
Identify: If you feel guilty about denying someone or something and having to give a specific answer makes you uncomfortable, or just makes you feel bad, ask yourself: Am I suffering emotional blackmail?
You’re placing an emotional barrier so it doesn’t bother you: You shall not let it make you feel bad, it’s the other person who has the problem not you, repeat this phrase mentally when you are with a person who uses emotional blackmail (Is / she who has the problem not me), so you take the responsibility and associated guilt, that is what he, the blackmailer, wants to make you feel: Guilty and responsible so you to stay there.
Tactical Anger: Is causing an anger that has no basis or is disproportionate to the situation to get away with it, to make you look bad in front of the other person and so make you do anything. Before a tactical anger it doesn’t matter what you say, because everything will be used against you, so it’s best to leave the conversation, even if he or she continues to insist, tell your best. “Look, at this time you are not my best friend, so I’m not going to pay attention. When you feel better we can talk about it, but for now, and with your permission, I will retire.” You can also make as if you did not hear him and change the subject to something completely different. Also you can ignore him and in the latter case, leave the conversation, fold away as soon as possible. The important thing is not to get into his game, that he or she is left alone with his anger (The problem is what he/she is not me), repeating this phrase will not feel so bad.
Toxic people are stalking his victim, knowing of its existence. Keeping a good level of self-esteem and know how to act in the case of emotional blackmail makes you less likely to fall into their web.
- Stamateas, B. (1960) Toxic People. Argentina. Vergara Editorial